So I went to the movies and.....

I'm fed up and I believe we need to have a freaking TOWN HALL MEETING. Here's what happened:
1. Me and my friend decided we were going to see "The Family that Preys"
2. I drove all the way out to Potomac, Maryland to see this movie, avoiding Silver Spring's theater b/c I KNEW it was going to be on and popping in the SS theater.
3. We get in the movies and find a seat....we're pumped up to see this movie.
4. The previews air....... and there's noise, but we're cool b/c it's only previews.
5. The movie begins - and um, I'm a little pissed b/c I am truly believing that the noise will never settle, but um... it doesn't.
6. 30 min into the movie: Still noisy, babies crying, people talking ish, and the people sitting beside us saying "excuse me, coming by" to go wherever...... ARRRRGH!
7. 1 hour into the movie: Still noisy, babies crying, people talking ish, and the people sitting beside us are asking to move to go wherever...... ARRRRGH!
8. A little over half into the damn move people are just coming in to get seated!


We're having a meeting on MOVIE ETIQUETTE:

I'm taking questions:
Can I bring a baby to the theater?
No, no and HELL NO. Get a sitter or stay your ass at the house. There is no need to make someone pay for your child bearing decision(s). I'm calling CPS if I ever see another baby in the theater at the 10:00 show too..... get your mini me in the bed!

Can I get that seat next to you, even though I'm 45 minutes late and need to walk past 7 people to get that cozy seat in the middle of the aisle?
HELL NO. If you didn't get here in time to get a decent seat, then don't make me miss any line in my movie! If you don't see a seat on the end, wait until the next showtime! However, in the past, I'm more forgiving of this when the person is courteous.

Is it alright if I cut in front of you when the movie is over?
THAT DEPENDS. If you are with a significant other, then cool - I'll let it slide. BUT - if you are trife and trying to cut in front of everybody, SORRY HELL NO! back back and wait.

Should I clap in the middle of the movie? Even if that's my favorite part!
Hm.... NO! I would like to leave out all active participation on my $10 movie! No THANKS!

At the end of the movie, do I clap?
GOOD QUESTION. I don't know the right answer to this. I've seen some good movies, but never felt the need to clap - but do whatever you feel.... the movie is over.

What if I step on your shoe while I'm trying to get out to the aisle and do whatever?
Just let it go.

Can my child kick your chair while you are minding your own business watching the movie?
MF HELL NAH! I can't stand your kicking the chair ass kid and I can't stand you for letting him do it. I've already turned around and looked at YOU and your bad ass kid 10 times. I'm tempted to call Theater Security.

What if my phone rings? Is it okay if I take the call?
NO! Not if I have to turn my damn ringer off [out of courtesy]. Do you see me over here chopping it up with everybody who calls? I think not. Forget it, put the dumb phone on SILENT

What if I want to orally communicate with the movie [i.e. "Noooooooo!" or "Don't take that girl!"]
USUALLY NO. If I got into the movie for free, possibly. If I'm on a date - no. If I paid for my own ticket, hell to the no.

NY Mag would like to add [some things I didn't mention]:

How many seats can I save?
It’s simple: You can save one seat for each person in your party who has already purchased a ticket. So, friend in the popcorn line: Yes. Friend en route with Fandango receipt: Yes. Friend who hedged and said she might tag along for Spider-Man 3: No.

Can I text-message if the movie gets dull?
Can you shine a flashlight into the eyes of people behind you? No. Just because something doesn’t make noise doesn’t mean it isn’t incredibly, annoyingly distracting. If you have urgent business to conduct, walk outside.

Do I have to clean up?
Tough one. But we side with Jerry Seinfeld on this, who said, “We have a deal with the theaters: You rip us off with overpriced, oversized crap we shouldn’t be eating in the first place, and when I’m done I just open my hand.” That said, don’t be a pig.

Can I talk during the movie?
We’d like to say, “No, no, never, no, absolutely not.” But the days of respectful silence are gone. During the pre-film ads, speak as much and as loudly as you like. Whispers and derisive yelps are permissible during trailers. During the feature, you must limit yourself to the occasional whisper. Silence is preferred, but a hushed “Wait—didn’t she die in that car wreck back there?” is okay. There is one exception to these rules: the brilliant, brave comment in the terrible movie. For us, it was at I Know What You Did Last Summer, in a particularly histrionic scene of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s emoting that a guy shouted out “Oscar clip!” and provided the high point of the night.

[thanks nymag]


Keli September 19, 2008 at 8:16 AM  

I feel ya! I sooo feel ya...

but...if you are watching Dreamgirls in a theater full of "fabulous" men...clapping is allowed, lol.

JD September 19, 2008 at 8:29 AM  

You may have to go to the movie in Chevy Chase with white folk. The clapping thing never used to happen, and i do not understand it,afternoon when few people are at the movies is a good time as well

MP September 19, 2008 at 10:42 AM  

Speak on it! Especially the part about babies in 10p movie! I had to tell my friend and baby daddy about that. It's a selfish decision on behalf of the baby who should have a scheduled 7p bedtime and to the patrons who don't want to listen to your tired cranky child.

T September 19, 2008 at 6:21 PM  

This is hilarious. I'd like to add one

- Can I clap before the movie even starts because I heard it was really good i.e. @ the dark knight

Uh, naw. Pipe down homies.

clnmike September 20, 2008 at 5:34 AM  

I understan especially the baby part, they no dam well the baby is not going to stay quiet!

The Breaking Point September 21, 2008 at 1:28 AM  

Just wow.

I don't say this by way of snobbishness but I can't tell you the last time I went to see a "black" film. There are but three theaters that I'll go to and none of them show them. The reason? What you experienced.

You should have gotten your money back and bounced.

uglyblackjohn September 21, 2008 at 4:56 PM  

No shootings, no fights... no problem.
If you want real adventure, try a Magic Johnson Theater in a town near you.
Otherwise, stick to the 'burbs.

RiPPa September 24, 2008 at 12:12 AM  

You can't always take the getto out of the negro I tell ya.


D.J. September 25, 2008 at 8:48 PM  

I have to agree with Uglyblackjohn. When I lived in Chicago I went to one of these theatres to see Passion of the Christ...I lasted maybe 15 minutes. Oh and yes the babies what the hell is that???!!!!!!

Blog Queen October 1, 2008 at 8:37 PM  

I know JUST what you mean. I am a movie "lover". I take it seriously. I have gone ballistic on a couple of folks in movie theaters for not adhering to the very etiquette you propose.

Don't play with me and my movie watching!!!

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